I'm FINALLY 18!
happy birthday to me, woopdidoo.

I don’t usually write that much here, but I think I have to update everyone who cares. Not that I think there’s that many people who read this, but I think I have to let everyone know that I’m not that depressed like before, I’ve been fixing stuff. I broke up with my boyfriend, and that made things easier, I found out that he wasn’t the person I thought he was. He didn’t deserve me.

Well, enough about that, the summer is coming up, fast. And we have tons of work at school, exams, tests, everything. We have to do so much now, and I wasn’t prepared for that much work. But I’m hanging in there, I have to. I’ve decided to do better at school, I really want a future with photos and stuff.

And yes, I’ve got a job. I’m editing pictures for an upcoming model agency here in Tromsø, and I’ve been taking pictures from big events for them and so. Things are going well, even though it’s a struggle. But it’s absolutely worth it, I’ve got a head start in the business and I got contacts now that I thought I had to struggle to get, and I’m still in shock. I’m so young, and I’ve got this amazing job.

I want to say that I’m proud of the people here at DeviantArt, The work they do, oh my gosh, I don’t know what to say, you guys are such an inspiration for me. I don’t really know how to say how much I love to watch the art that you make. Keep it up!
Now I’m going to stop writing, it was suddenly a lot of text that no one’s going to read. But, take care.

i need help.. i'm going crazy.. dont know where to go, dont know what to say.. all i can do is cry, i can't breathe.. it feels like im dying..

23.02.08, I lost two of my friends, Ronny and Hans Jørgen, In a car crash.
Now I've lost to many of my good friends, I don't know what to do.
I hope they're in a better place now.
There is so many people that love them, and no one can understand that they really are dead. It's not fair. They were only 18, and the some of nicest guys in this town.

I love you guys.
Rest in peace.
<3

That's all I can say.

I wish I could be a stronger person, a person who could face the day in a different way than I’m doing. I struggle with just getting my eyes shut open, and every time I think about what I’m doing to my family I feel like giving up, giving in, just disappearing. I want to let them relax and know that I’m safe, dead. Buried. Six feet under. Sleeping.

But every time I decide to fade away, it’s always something or someone that’s stops me in the process. Either a fight I’m involved in or a happening I have to experience. And I don’t want to let my family down, but I know I’m going to do that if I let myself go.

So, I try, I fail, and I try once more, but fail again. And it's getting harder and harder to wake up and face the day. The air outside my room smells toxic, and the light outside the house hurts my eyes. It’s not tempting to leave my room, where I got everything that tranquilizes the suicidal feelings. The scalpel. The razorblade. The music.